C's Blog

I have this on-going joke with my colleagues about corporate speak and how fluffy it is. (And when I say "fluffy" I mean full of hot air... did I just make up another term?)

Anyway, I keep a running list in my head to share with friends. I also write down the really great quotes at the end of my notepad for future amusement.

Most of the corporate speak is a complete misuse of the actual word, which makes me secretly giggle at the person inside my head when I'm talking to them.

Some of my recent favorites are:

• Ping:
  actual definition: a computer network tool that acts as an echo. (wiki here)
  corporate speak definition: to contact someone via email or phone
  used in a sentence: "I'll ping you again later when I find out the details."
• Wheels Up/Wheels Down:
  actual definition: when an airplane retracts/releases its landing gear
  corporate speak definition: the departure/arrival of someone at the airport
  used in a sentence: "She'll be wheels up at 3pm and wheels down at 5pm."

I am almost done with my current notepad. I don't want to lose these great quotes forever, so here is a list of some of the best quotes that made it to my notepad since late October 2006:

• 10-30-06: "I don't have the bandwidth for that." (referring to staff, not internet access)


• 11-08-06: "...nuggets of innovation!"


• 01-10-07: "I have it in electrons and I can send it off."


• 01-30-07: "Horizontal Integration Programming" (what?!)


• 02-05-07: "(insert name here) is a HUGE fan of websites!" (well, yes... so am I...)


• 03-29-07: "We help you proceed expeditiously with caution."

Truly great. You can't make this stuff up. : )

What are your favorites? Add your favorite corporate speak terms in the comments below!

P.S. Isaac met the REAL Muck and the REAL Scoop yesterday on our walk! (Muck and Scoop are characters from one of his favorite TV shows, Bob the Builder.) He was totally jazzed and asked me to take his picture with each of them. (That's my boy!) : ) Click on the links to view the pictures on my flickr account.